Leadership – Where will our children learn good leadership?

I have always been a big advocate of leadership and at Gartner I wrote a couple of papers on leadership. Over the years I have read many leadership texts and of course being an ex Army Officer I have been trained in and practised leadership in many different and trying circumstances. My current concern is our children, watching TV last night I noticed that many ads show parents delegating decision making to their children. In this culture of extreme egalitarianism where do children see and learn decisive leadership? I have seen children as young as 3 paralysed by the demand to inform their parents, what they want to eat, when they want to sleep, what they want to do…………. Why have we as parents given up on making decisions and seeing them through.

Since human beings first began gathering in social groups, they have grappled with the skills of leadership — who is a leader, what makes a leader, and how leadership can be done better. Is leadership is something one is born with or something that can be learned. After thousands of years, leadership is still a art that people aspire to but struggle to achieve. Yet here we are as parents NOT providing a good example of simple leadership in the running of our family and home.

I am not dictating the return to the dictatorial father model (if you believe the press as shown by the father in the picture) that many of my generation grew up with but certainly it is very important to become a leadership role model for your children. This requires decisive behaviour.

Leadership is a social construct — the product of emotional and often unconscious needs, early experiences, and group aspirations of the led, as well as traits and skills of the leader. A vast industry has developed in the 21^st Century that devotes itself to teaching and improving leadership skills. Yet many modern concepts of leadership are complex and locked in a time warp, constrained by lingering archetypes of heroic warriors, executive legends, and harsh but distant fathers. Winding through the maze of leadership texts and development theories to find real actionable steps to improve leadership skills is difficult and very little are devoted to leadership in parenting. Two books that have provided me inspiration are:

Firstly, Good to Great (Random House, 2001) by Jim Collins, his findings on leadership were a surprise to all in his research team: “We were surprised, shocked really, to discover the type of leadership required for turning a good company into a great one. Compared to the high-profile leaders with big personalities, the good-to-great leaders seemed to come from Mars. Self-effacing, quiet, reserved, even shy — these leaders are a paradoxical blend of personal humility and professional will. They are more like Lincoln and Socrates than Patton and Caesar.”

Collins begins his chapter on Level 5 Leadership with the famous Harry S. Truman quote “It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.” He goes on to describe Level 5 leaders as people who channel their ego needs away from themselves and into the larger goal of building a great company. It is not that Level 5 leaders have no ego or self-interest. Indeed, he found that they were incredibly ambitious, but their ambition is first and foremost for the institution, not for themselves. He describes their key leadership characteristics of these leaders who turned their companies around as: 1) Ambition for the company: setting up successors for success, 2) Compelling modesty, 3) Unwavering resolve to do what must be done, 4) The window and the mirror — looking outside the window to apportion credit to others but looking in the mirror to apportion responsibility, never blaming anyone or anything else.

In parenting we learn to put our ego aside, I am still amazed at my memories of my mother cheating to win games against us, her children. This is not good leadership or good parenting. We can take these business management books and apply these skills to how we use leadership within our family units. Exhibiting these characteristics and becoming a good example for our children.

The second I liked is a book by US Navy Captain D. Michael Abrashoff, It’s Your Ship (Warner Books, 2002). The following are Abrashoff’s key leadership principles (many of these are written in the language of the military, but their meaning is clear and easily applicable to parenting):

·          Take command and create a climate that enables people to unleash their potential

·          Lead by example

·          Listen aggressively

·          Communicate meaning and purpose

·          Create a climate of trust

·          Look for results, not salutes

·          Take calculated risks

·          Go beyond standard procedure

·          Build up your people

·          Generate unity

·          Improve your people’s quality of life

All of these can be equally applied as important leadership principles for a family.

I would like all parents to consider leadership as an important skill they need to develop and teach their children. Egalitarianism has its place and I am not against a family vote for where we go for our next holiday but I am worried that we have a generation of young people who will never be exposed to good leadership and decisive decision making. Continuous exposure and learning from a very young age are very important in building tomorrows leaders.

Comments

[Poorang Haghjoo]

Hi Deborah,
I am a prospective PhD student in EA from Melbourne. I really need your recommendation. Sorry I couln't find any other way to contact you.

Can I have your email address?
Here is mine:
poorang@gmai.com

[Poorang Haghjoo]

sorry the email adrees is:
poorang@gmail.com